Why I Gave Up on Writing Rituals
I almost burned down my desk
For a majority of the time I spent drafting Something Cheeky, I was majorly stuck. Maybe things weren’t that bad, but it felt that way.
My words weren’t flowing. If they were, I was stymied by what choice to make next. And then the next thing. If I messed up on the first decision, would it fuck everything else up down the line? Would it be plausible to my readers if the white guy was an an over-the-top heinous villain? But it’s fiction, I’d tell myself, he should be extreme enough for readers to hate. (He was not over-the-top but based on real life incidences.)
Or I’d email my editor and ask things like, “What Shakespeare sonnet should I bastardize as the characters tease each other in iambic pentameter as part of foreplay?”1
During my writing process, many of my emails to her started with I’m probably overthinking this. . . . (Her: Yes, you’re overthinking it. Yes, it’s a great idea.)
Why weren’t my words flowing?
Whenever I wasn’t writing—which was more often than not—I scoured the internet for advice on how to get unstuck. With much shame, I had to extend my deadline multiple times already.
At this point I knew I needed to do something different but I wasn’t sure what.
According to my search results, the #1 recommendation was to create a writing ritual. As a person who cannot do the same thing or eat the same food for breakfast every day, I was desperate to give it a try.
Surely all these accomplished writers were able to complete so many books because of their daily discipline and rituals.
Spoiler alert: I failed miserably
A Candle Will Fix My Problem
A common tip was to light a special candle, preferably scented, before the start of each writing session. The idea was that my brain would associate the candle and its scent to my activity so eventually I’d automatically associate it with writing all the words! (My emphasis)
It doesn’t have to be a candle. You could brew a special tea, burn a specific incense or use a notebook that’s only for fiction writing. I opted for a candle because it seemed romantic like ye olden days when people wrote by candlelight.
I spent more time shopping for the candle than actually using it. Exhilarated that a candle could possibly solve my writing block, I jetted off to my Kohls and their latest coupon. Surely, I’d find a candle that would inspire my to finish my novel.
Did I mention that I’m scent sensitive? Yup. I can’t handle heavy fragrances but I sniffed all the candles with gusto and settled one that smelled like . . . vanilla. Buuuuut, it was in cute container said “Create” on it. Affirmations, amirite?
This life changing candle needed a place of honor. I cleaned my desk and made room for my new, creativity-enhancing acquisition.
Time to Get Unstuck
I woke the next day with excitement about finishing my draft instead of my usual dread about my low word count. After settling at my desk with my breakfast and 20 ounce mug of coffee that said “Write Your Own Story,” I lit the candle and pulled out my fountain pens and notebook.
I finished my avocado toast as I waited for the wax to melt enough for the vanilla scent to fill the air. Ah, there was the sweet fragrance of freshly baked. . .wax?
Wiping my mouth with the cloth napkin I keep at my desk, I flung the napkin aside and picked up my fountain pen. It was time to write! Today was the day I’d finish this chapter that I’d mulled over for too long.
As I moved pen over paper, the vanilla scent had turned acrid. No longer sweet—-
Holy shit, my napkin was fire!
I’d tossed my napkin in its usual spot, which was unfortunately where I’d placed my adorable Create candle. I quickly grabbed the napkin—it was only a tiny fire—and ran to my kitchen sink to put it out.
By the time I made it back to my desk, my heart was racing and I was on high alert for other possible danger. Not the energy I was going for to get unstuck from my romance novel.
I gave up writing the rest of the day. Lesson learned. I’m not responsible enough for this ritual. Candles are now banned from my home office.
What’s my ritual now?
My current ritual involves writing in my personal journal before reading an essay from Writing Down the Bones and pulling a card from WDB deck (affiliate links) for a writing prompt to warm up. If I’m having a hard time focusing or stilling my mind, I’ll do a meditation from the Calm app.
But I don’t do this every time I sit down to write. Sometimes the words want burst out of me so I grab a notebook and enjoy the ride.
I’ve accepted that I cannot do the same thing every. My creative brain thrives on newness. That means recognizing when I need to switch to a different writing warm-up or packing my things to work at Panera. Some days it’s as simple as writing in a different notebook with a different fountain pen.
My needs change as the seasons change. Or even depending on what my hormones are doing or not doing that day. (Yay perimenopause.) So why can’t we change up our rituals so that they work for us and not the other way around?
Do you have a writing ritual? Let me know in the comments
Alas, the dirty talk version of Sonnet 43 didn’t make it in the final edits. I replaced the dirty talk with Vietnamese-English pick-up lines which worked better for Zoe & Derek.
I LOVE the Writing Down the Bones deck! That and the book are two of my favorite writing tools. So glad I'm not alone!
I see or hear an interesting word or phrase and it stays with me. Then I make a poem which takes 10-15 minutes. Ideas are everywhere, but it's difficult to write them down while driving.