How many vibrators do we really need?

Why I shut down my award-winning business

I’m teaching a virtual class on Writing Inclusive and Emotional Sex Scenes over at Writing the Other. It’s designed for all writers who want to write spicy scenes in their work. Scholarships are also available.

Closing my business

In June 2023, I officially closed my award-winning subscription box business. I’d like to say it was a tough decision but that would be lying.

After talking things over with my partner and my amazing virtual assistant in October 2022, I knew deep down that closing Bawdy Bookworms was the right decision for me.

If I could’ve, I would’ve shut things down at the end of 2022. But we had upcoming quarterly boxes lined up. I’d already ordered the book and sex toy pairings. The authors were excited to have their novels featured.

It’s tough being a BIPOC romance author, especially a debut. I didn’t want to let them down. Not to mention my community and customers, many of whom have been with me since the beginning. Bawdy Bookworms deserved a send-off worthy of its 8 years. So we set a June closing date.

We ended with our 69th subscription box featuring my spicy novel Full Exposure (affiliate link).

Noice.

I’ve only taken my very heavy XBIZ Award out of the box twice.

So why shut down a successful, award-winning business?

There are a multitude of reasons, but it was for the same reason I quit my sex-toy MLM (multi-level marketing) business after 13 years. It boiled down to:

How many sex toys do you really need?

After being in this industry for longer than my marriage (my first year MLM earnings paid for our small wedding), pushing the latest vibrator got old and felt opportunistic.

While there continues to be innovation in the sex toy industry, most new products are recycled versions of the same things. Maybe the motor or battery life has improved slightly. Or it’s redone in new, trendier colors. Then there are copycats that try to hop on to the latest viral hit before it’s replaced with a new one. (I’m looking at you, Tracey’s Dog and the Rose.)

Or worse, manufacturers combine 3 or 4 different types of stimulation-styles in one toy. Maybe it’s old school, but I don’t want the handle of my wand to vibrate and be insertable. I want one good wand that does one thing extremely well.

Most of the pleasure products work the same way and do more or less the same thing.

Capitalism is a real bitch, but we’re all stuck in it.

I don’t fault the manufacturers. They’re running businesses, and businesses need to make money to pay their employees. Not to mention there are many small, women-owned companies blazing the trail in the industry.

The good thing about all the competition and innovation is that high-quality, body-safe toys are more affordable than ever. Which means they’re more accessible for people with less disposable income. Pleasure products shouldn’t be a luxury product.

Why I can’t control how manufacturers do business, I can control how I run mine.

When I started Bawdy Bookworms in 2015, there were no romance novel subscription boxes. There weren’t even a sex toy one geared towards beginners. While the subscription box idea wasn’t new, there weren’t a lot of online shopping platforms that supported this type of business. I taught myself how to configure a shopping cart and recurring billing. I bootstrapped the hell out of my business.

As my boxes took off, I felt the pressure to scale and do more so I could earn a living wage. I added more products to my shop so that my customers could buy lube and toys in addition to their boxes. Figuring out what my customers wanted versus what they would actually buy became an all-consuming job. There were plenty of awesome vibrators that didn’t sell well.

The more I scaled, the more work I had to do in order to market and get all these toys out of my apartment. I was making money but not enough to pay myself a living wage or hire a VA or even rent warehouse space.

Our packaging was amazing though

I hated the order fulfillment.

I packed every subscription box and order on my dining room table after my kids went to bed, sometimes till 2 or 3 in the morning. Then I’d wake up at 9AM to drop everything off at the post office because that’s when my partner could help me carry the packages to our car and into the post office.

What I loved was working with BIPOC and queer authors to promote their books and all the sex ed I snuck into our flyers, the boxes, and our Facebook community.

I already knew that the time and energy I put into Bawdy Bookworms was more than the income it provided me. But I’d committed myself to this business because I loved the community I’d found. Helping people discover and embrace their pleasure was fulfilling.

Then I sold my first romance novel

I’ve been reading romance novels since middle school. It wasn’t until 2016 or 2017 that I should I could actually write one. It took me a couple of unfinished novels before I completed what became known as Happy Endings (affiliate link). I pitched it and submitted it Avon’s Own Voices call.

Imagine my shock when they offered me a contract to publish my novel.

A second-chance romance featuring a Vietnamese American woman who sells sex toys and partners with her Black ex-boyfriend to do pop-ups in his soul food restaurant (I took the advice to write what I knew quite seriously back then.)

The process of publishing this book and running Bawdy Bookworms reminded me of my purpose:

To empower people to explore and embrace their pleasure.

Or to put it more plainly: Get Your Sexy Back.

I’m going back to my roots to help people without the pressure of selling them vibrators they don’t need. Additionally, I’m writing stories about Vietnamese Americans that aren’t based or rooted in Vietnam War or immigrant trauma. Yes, those types of stories are valid, but we need other stories ourselves, too.

A note on capitalism

I can choose to opt out of this part of capitalism (closing my ecommerce store) because I’m privileged. My partner is the breadwinner in our family. We have health insurance through his employer so that’s one less thing for us to worry about. We don’t have a lot of debt and I had Bawdy Bookworms earnings saved up. (I was afraid to spend it but that’s a different story.)

It might be a surprise to some, but being a published author doesn’t mean I’m rolling around in money. It’s quite the opposite. I hesitate to calculate what my hourly rate is for writing to novel. Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.

I’m grateful to be able to focus on my novel writing and this Substack while also being the primary caretaker of our family.

Take a class with me

After taking many classes at Writing the Other, I’m honored to teach a virtual workshop on Writing Inclusive and Emotional Sex Scenes. You can take the class live via Zoom on March 17, 2024 or purchase the recording to watch later. (Everyone who comes to the live class will also have access to the recording).

Scholarships are also available!